This was supposed to be my first weekend of nothingness after a whirlwind month, but I couldn't say no to an invite to go to soccer "practice" with my nephew. Chicago and Cleveland were AMAZING! I'm even considering looking for jobs in Chicago because I loved it so much. I will probably do that post next because it's important for me to highlight the conference I was at.
"What do you want Hitch?"
Yep, that's where I'm at tonight. Sitting on a couch with one of my roommates watching the greatness of Will Smith as Alex Hitchens. This blog has seemed to have turned into a place I can come to when I'm feeling hopelessly single and honestly, that's how I've been feeling for a while now. It's gotten so bad that not only do I do my normal craziness of determining if a guy in single and then wondering if it could work out for us, but I'm now sizing up my imaginary competition. If there's a single woman around me, I'm wondering if she would be a better match or if she's his type. I've literally lost my grasp on reality with this one. I don't know how to get it back.
I'm so in my head with this too and it isn't fun. As a Christian, there's this idea that God calls people to a single life. Idea isn't maybe the best word as it's definitely a reality. I struggle with knowing if that's what my life is destined for and if it is, being content in that. The Bible, though, has this gem in it:
So I say to those who aren't married and to widows - it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust. -1 Corinthians 7:8,9
The Bible also says that God gives us the desires of our hearts and a husband is a desire of my heart. I want a partner in this life. For superficial reasons of not having to answer when people ask why I'm single, to not have to go solo to events, etc. I also want someone to share the burdens of life with and to share in the joys. I'd like to think I'm a decent friend and that I'll eventually be a pretty cool wife someday. I think I've lost sight of that. I've lost some of my faith in a God who's never failed me.
Today's sermon at church was what I needed. It was about discouragement and I can definitely say I've been discouraged in my love life recently. I need to refocus and remember who keeps this world spinning and who knows every hair on my head.
I will look back and see that you are faithful
I look ahead believing you are able