Sunday, July 20, 2014

That Time I Published Without a Title...

As a travel update, I have states 18 & 19 on the books. First up will be Chicago for a long weekend and then Cleveland for a weekend. September is going to be a great month!

There's been a lot going on for me emotionally & mentally these days. In one of my small groups at church, we're reading Immunity to Change. It's an intense book that challenges you to ask yourself what's the one big thing that I could change that would change my entire world. I haven't figured out my one big thing yet, but right now I'm working on improving my listening. It's proved to help change my attitude at work and I've kind of failed so far at applying it to my personal life.

I've also made some solid realizations when it comes to dating. For whatever reason, I choose to fall for and date men that I know with which I will have no future. Most of them are workaholics. When I know the guy will eventually blame work on the reason why we can't date anymore, it triggers something in my brain that says, date him. I'm not entirely sure why I self-sabotage in that manner. If I had to take a stab at it right now, I'd say it's a combination of reasons, mainly my lack of self-confidence & overall fear. I know those are things that everyone deals with so I'm not too concerned about them.

One thing I am concerned about, though, is how tongue-tied and I'm guessing bright red I was while talking to a very attractive man earlier today. It was like a throw back to middle school. Thankfully this time I could just get into my car and drive away after I spoke what could only be described as gibberish. I honestly can't recall the last time my brain froze like that. When almost all of the men I've dated I've met online, there isn't a reason for the guy to make my brain stop because we've already had some level of communication. The last guy I met organically (since that's the hip term these days) was after a few beers at an industry event and I tend to get chatty after two beers so I was chatty and therefore had no time to get tongue-tied. That leads me to the last time I met a man who left me dazed and confused and oddly enough, I met him in the same way I met the guy from this morning - in children's ministry. The last guy turned out to be a bad situation all around, so I'm cautiously optimistic about this guy.

In conclusion, since over-analyzing usually gets one nowhere, I'll just chalk up everything that's happened in my dating life to my CHD. Why you ask? Because CHDers have lots of psychosocial nonsense going on, but I'll save all of that for another post.

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