My church just finished up a three week series today on God's will. I can say that my prayer life has immensely changed in just that time because of week one's sermon. I believed God had a blueprint for my life. I thought He had a grand design for the major points in my life - my parent's divorce, their second marriages, college, jobs, relationships, etc. Everything I've gone through has been a small part of some cosmic great plan, right? Wrong. So so so wrong.
Everything I've gone through in my life has definitely played a part in shaping the person that I am today. I won't go into all of the lessons that I've learned along the way, but I can say that my life would look completely different had my parents stayed together or I chose a different college for example.
The one part I could never figure out was my heart. Why me? Why not my brothers? Why not one of the telemarketers who calls my office and bugs me? I always figured that there was some divine reason that I was born with TGA. I don't think about it often, but having a purpose to my different life would at least offer some comfort. I don't think God ordained for me to be born with a heart defect. I think I was just the lucky one in 100. I do know though that had I been born healthy, I would not have any reason to show God's love to the other members of my community.
This is the part where the logic starts to unravel and my brain feels like it's going to explode. I get so close to understanding a small part of God, but my human mind just can't handle it.
It's like God's plan all along was that people who love him need different circles to share his love with so that everyone can hear about it and have a chance to experience it. I'm in introvert through and through. I don't typically choose to go out of my way to meet new people. It's like he knew that I would need some help reaching others I typically wouldn't reach. Some people are given a heart for overseas missions. Some people are given a heart for domestic missions. Some people are great public speakers. Some people will reach millions through their books. I get to reach the congenital heart defect community - a community that is unique. A community that is mine, but not my family or friends'. It's an incredible burden that I'm honored to have. I get the humbling opportunity to love on spiritually broken as well as physically broken hearts. My ultimate purpose is to love those around me. I believe God has intentionally made each of us different to fulfill that purpose. It's knowing this and having the two lines below of a song we sing often at my church playing in my head that will remind me of God's plan for my life.
Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good and Your love is great